Naruto's Book of Fairy Tales
by Pyro Dragon 117
Summary: The Naruto character's play roles in your favorite fairy tales! Yes, I'm pathetic... Please read it... Multiple Pairings, mostly yaoi. Requests for pairings are welcome. FINALLY UPDATED! YAY FOR ME! GAH! (Dodges array of pointy things)
1. Sleeping Ino

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. NOW YOU CAN'T SUE ME. YOU STUPID LAWYERS! BURN IN HELL! MWUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!  
  
Title: Naruto Fairy Tales  
  
Chapter Title: Sleeping Ino  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Pairing for the chapter: Shikamaru/Ino  
  
Warnings: I have changed many facts in this tale and the other's that will be posted. Please don't sue me for this! I'm doing it for your laughs!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Once upon a time a King and Queen longed for a child. They waited for many years and finally their wish was granted, which was a good thing because the Queen went into menopause about a month later. They had a beautiful baby daughter, and named her Ino. They were so happy, they asked seven fairies to be her god parents, but this was partly because each fairy would have to give her a gift that would help make her perfect.  
At the ceremony, each fairy was given a gold plate, knife and fork, because this way they would be even more bribed to give gifts to the princess. They also prepared a dress for each fairy.  
Unfortunately, all but two of the fairies were boys, because there aren't enough girls in the series to fill all the slots for the fairies.  
So the guests sat down (most of them were still grumbling about the gifts), but just as they were about to pig out, an eighth fairy came into the hall. She was very ugly and her name was Sakura.  
No one had seen Sakura for fifty years so they didn't invite her or have a set of gold tableware for her. Taking this as an insult (because she's too stupid to think otherwise, and it didn't help that the people she sat by inched away from her), Sakura sat down grumbling and plotting her evil revenge.  
The shyest fairy, Hinata, noticed that Sakura had look of glee on her face. Getting suspicious she excused herself and hid so that she could undo any evil Sakura might cast upon Ino.  
When the feast was over, the fairies each cast their magic gifts upon Ino.  
The fairy Tenten gave Ino the gift of beauty.  
The fairy Itachi gave Ino the gift of wisdom.  
The fairy Orochimaru (A/N: MWUHAHAHA!) gave Ino the gift of strength. Then he attempted to put a cursed seal on Ino. He was kicked out, which was okay because now he could resume plotting Konoha's destruction.  
The fairy Kakashi gave Ino the gift of musical talent.  
The fairy Sasuke gave Ino the gift of grace.  
The fairy Naruto gave Ino the gift of being a bossy bitch. He was kicked out, which was great because now he could eat ramen!  
Then Sakura cast a spell. "Ino will prick her finger on a spindle and die!" she cackled.  
Hinata stepped forward. "Ino will not die! She will fall into a deep slumber for 100 years and then a prince shall wake her!"  
"Yeah, because saying that she's just not going to die would be waaaay too stupid," Itachi snorted.  
Hinata blushed with embarrassment. Itachi was kicked out, which was fine because now he could resume killing people.  
Even with Hinata's assurance that Ino would be okay, the King ordered Sasuke to burn all the spindles in the kingdom. Sasuke refused.  
"Why? Having her go into a deep sleep for 100 years is a good thing. She can't chase me around like all the other crazed fangirls," he said.  
Sasuke was kicked out, which was fine because now he could resume... um... whatever Sasuke does in his free time.  
The King and Queen ordered all the spindles in the kingdom to be burned, so that their daughter would never be harmed.  
Ino grew into a beautiful young woman. She was all the gifts that the fairies had given her, so she was a bossy bitch, but no one cared because she was pretty. Many princes from many lands asked for her hand in marriage. Ino refused them all, however, because like all the other girls in the frickin' kingdom, she had her heart set on Sasuke.  
One day she decided to make a shirt for Sasuke as a present. But she could not find a spindle to get the thread. She asked everyone she could think of (that was outside the castle. For some reason everyone there forbad her ever to get within 100 feet of a spindle), but no one had one. Finally she came to a house at the edge of town, and through the window she could see a woman sitting at a spindle.  
Ino knocked on the door. The woman answered very quickly.  
"May I help you, your highness?" she asked in a very sweet voice, for this was Sakura, and she was going to make sure Ino got out of the way so she could have Sasuke all to herself.  
"Yes, ma'am. I see you have a spindle, and I would like to use it," Ino said.  
"Of course you can use it, dear." Sakura said.  
Ino thanked the woman and sat down at the spindle, and just as she started spinning, pricked her finger.  
Ino fell to the floor, in a deep sleep that would have made Shikamaru proud.  
"MWUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! NOW SASUKE-KUN IS ALL MINE!" Sakura screamed.  
Unfortunately for her, Itachi was walking by her house at the time in a very bad mood. He decided that her evil laughter annoyed him so he went into the house and killed her. Then he saw Ino on the floor. Since Itachi was feeling very evil at the moment, he decided to let someone else find Ino.  
When Ino didn't come home that night, her parents grew frantic, and sent search parties everywhere to look for their daughter. They found her, in a very deep sleep.  
Grief-stricken, the King and Queen asked Hinata and Tenten for help, because they didn't like the other fairies.  
"We shall put all of the kingdom but you two into a deep sleep so that when Ino wakes up she is not among strangers. We will also make her extremely comfortable," they said.  
And they did. They laid Ino upon abed with gold embroidered sheets and a gold bed frame. She was put into her finest clothes and jewels. Then Hinata and Tenten put the rest of the kingdom to sleep, and the king and Queen were going to go live with the Queen's sister, but they ran into Itachi and he killed them.  
To keep Ino safe from strangers, Tenten and Hinata encircled the castle with a forest of thorns and bramble so thick that no one could get through it and so high you couldn't see the top of the castle.  
100 years passed. In that time a new King and Queen took their place. One day (when the 100 years had passed) the new King and Queen's son was walking around looking for a good place to watch the clouds. This boy's name was Shikamaru.  
That day, Shikamaru's favorite spot for cloud watching was being used for a carnival, so he went out to look for a new spot. It was then that he spotted the castle surrounded by the forest of thorns and bramble.  
Shikamaru asked a passerby why this castle looked like this.  
"You don't know? Well, people say that 100 years ago, a princess was put into a deep sleep and two fairies put everyone but the King and Queen into a deep slumber with the princess. One day a prince is supposed to come and wake the princess," the villager said.  
Shikamaru didn't believe that. But the castle would be a place that no one would disturb him while watching the clouds. So, Shikamaru had his friend Chouji make an opening in the forest.  
Shikamaru was really shocked when he entered the castle and saw everyone asleep. He looked all around the castle grounds and saw the same thing: everyone was asleep.  
So Shikamaru started looking inside the castle for the princess. He didn't want to marry her (because "Women are too troublesome"), but maybe the princess would let him look at clouds from her castle if he woke her up.  
After two hours of searching, Shikamaru finally found Ino's room.  
She looked just like she did when the fairies set her upon her bed. Personally, Shikamaru thought whoever put her here had way over done it, but oh well.  
He walked to Ino's bedside, and being the gentleman he is not, shook her awake. As soon as she woke up, Ino slapped him.  
"BAKA! You're supposed to kiss me! Not shake my brains out! You will..." she ranted on and on about how stupid he was.  
Shikamaru decided he didn't like Ino.  
"Look lady, I didn't come here for your hand in marriage. I came here to ask you if I could use this castle to look at clouds," he said.  
Ino stared at him.  
"You mean you didn't wake me up because you thought I was beautiful and you wanted to marry me?" she asked.  
"I just said that," Shikamaru said.  
Poor Shikamaru. He didn't know that being a smart-ass to Ino could cost him his life. So Ino grabbed him and flung him out the window, and then decided that she probably shouldn't have thrown him out the window, because he had woken her up and she owed him some gratitude. But only some. Anything else would be completely against her nature.  
So she went on a five day search for him. When she found him he was doing what our dear Shikamaru does best: staring at clouds.  
"I wanted to say thank you," she said.  
"Didn't know that you even knew those words," Shikamaru said.  
Shikamaru was booted all the way back to Ino's castle.  
Unfortunately, that very same day, Itachi was in a very bad mood. One of Shikamaru's servants insulted him, and he killed everyone in the castle and then burned it, so Shikamaru had to stay with Ino.  
They fought for the first three seconds before Shikamaru decided that fighting with Ino was too troublesome and just went along with whatever she said.  
Ino bitched at him all the time, but that was just because she liked him and didn't want to say it.  
Then one day she finally blurted it out.  
"I love you, Shikamaru!"  
This shocked Shikamaru very much, but he didn't complain because he had gotten more accomplished more in the time that he had spent with Ino than the all of the life he had spent without her. He needed to get some things done, and only Ino had been able to make him do that. But why didn't Shikamaru do them without Ino bitching at him? Because Shikamaru is a lazy- ass, that's why.  
So they got engaged, then married (Sasuke was very happy about this, because now he had gotten rid of one fangirl), and then they had children.  
But alas, one of their kids insulted Itachi, and he killed everyone in Ino's castle too.  
The end.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Author's notes: MWUHAHAHA!!! Itachi killed everyone *huggles Itachi*! Um, I have no idea how this is. It just came to me when I looked at this book of fairy tales that belongs to my little sister. There will be 22 stories in all, some of them you guys may not know, but I think are good. Most of the pairings will be yaoi, even if the original pairing was hetro. Why? Because I like yaoi better than hetro, and I can make better stories out of it. And I'm damn proud of it! ^_____________________^  
  
Please R&R! I'm desperate... T_T 


	2. Three Magic Oranges

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or this fairy tale  
  
Title: Naruto's book of Fairy Tales  
  
Chapter Title: Three Magic Oranges  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Pairing for the Chapter: Itachi/Sasuke  
  
Warnings: Yaoi  
  
Note: This is probably a fairy tale you haven't heard of before. It's from Costa Rica. The book that I'm getting some of my tales from has a lot of really good tales that I hadn't heard of before. Things will be changed, but I'm sure you can figure out what was changed from the original format. So, just a warning.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Once upon a time an old king thought it high time his son was married. He invited princesses from far and near to a feast, but the prince, Itachi, didn't like any of them.  
The king declared that his son had better find himself a wife. Now, this going to be very difficult, because Itachi was gay. But he mounted his horse and rode of anyway, mostly to get away from the bawling of the princesses he had rejected. Before long he reached a forest, at the edge of which was an orange tree with three golden oranges. He picked the oranges and went on his way.  
It was a hot day, and Itachi felt thirsty. He pulled out his knife and cut open the first orange. Wonder of wonders (A/N: CORNEY!)! From it sprang a boy with eyes the color of the sky and hair the color of the sun. However, this boy was very hyper.  
"PEASE GIVEM E WATER! I DON'T WANNA BE TRAPPED IN THAT STUPID ORANGE! PLEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAASSSSSEEEEEEE HEEEEEELLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPPP MMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!" he begged.  
Itachi didn't like this boy, And he didn't have any water anyway, so the boy vanished, thank god.  
The sun beat down and Itachi cut open the second orange. Wonder of wonders! From it sprang a boy with eyes the color of the leaves and hair the color of a red hibiscus. He also had insomniac rings around his eyes. Itachi didn't like this boy either. The boy glared.  
"Give me water or die," he said.  
Itachi didn't have any water, and he didn't like this boy. So he killed the boy.  
At last Itachi cane to a spring and drank his fill. Feeling hungry, he cut open the third orange. Wonder of wonders. From it sprang a beautiful boy with eyes and hair the color of a raven's wing and skin as white as a jasmine flower.  
"Um...Please give me water?" he asked, confused. It was obvious hat he didn't want to depend on some for help.  
Itachi scooped up some water for the boy to drink. And so the jutsu was broken for this boy, Sasuke, was imprisoned in the orange by a witch named Sakura.  
Itachi and Sasuke were married (no one objected. A lot the Uchiha turned out be gay and ended up using some jutsu to have a kid) and soon they became king and queen. But Sakura discovered that Sasuke had been set free and went to the palace, crying out "Shuriken! Who'll buy my fine shuriken?"  
Sasuke asked the old woman (Sakura in disguise) to come in. Sakura took out a shuriken with some jewels embedded into it. "Let me see if this fit's your palm," she said. Sasuke gave Sakura his hand and Sakura embedded the enchanted shuriken into his hand. Sasuke turned into a dove and flew away into the forest where Itachi was training.  
Itachi caught the dove as a present for Sasuke. To his fury and dismay, when he came home, Sasuke was nowhere to be seen.  
After tracking down Sasuke's fan club, friends and Orochimaru to find out where he might have gone, and not finding anything, Itachi grew depressed. Months passed. His only comfort was the dove, as a reminder of Sasuke. One day he was stroking the dove's back, when his fingers ran over something pointy and sharp. When he moved the feathers away, he found that it was a shuriken. Who could have been so cruel, and why is this bird still alive!? That shuriken should have killed it by now! Itachi thought. But he pulled out the shuriken and- wonder of wonders! There stood Sasuke.  
After getting Sasuke 15 tetanus shots, Itachi ordered that Sakura be brought to the palace, but there was no need. That day Sakura burned to death when Naruto set her house on fire for hurting his best friend. All that could be seen left of her was a puff of smoke, blowing over the treetops.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Author's Notes: Hehe, my favorite pairing to go along with one of my favorite stories! Yeah, I still think this stuff is crap, but oh well. You guys like it. 


	3. Rapunzal

Disclaimer: Still don't own Naruto... T_T  
  
Title: Naruto's Book of Fairy Tales  
  
Chapter Title: Rapunzal  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Pairing for the Chapter: Itachi/Naruto  
  
Warnings: Yaoi  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
A man and wife yearned for a child and at last God granted their wish. One day the wife was standing at a window looking down on the garden of their neighbor, who was a witch. The garden, which was full of flowers, herbs, and vegetables, was surrounded by a high wall. The wife gazed longingly at a bed of fresh green rapunzal and called out to her husband.  
"I must have some of that rapunzal or I will die."  
"No. You're not going to die just because you can't have some damn rapunzal," the husband said.  
"Ok, then. How about 'if you don't get me some rapunzal, I will beat you to a bloody pulp with my trust million ton mallet'?"  
The husband was forced to get the rapunzal, because who on earth wants to get beaten with a million ton mallet?  
At dusk the husband climbed the garden wall, snatched a handful of rapunzal, and took it to his wife. She ate it greedily, but it tasted so good that her craving grew. She now wanted rapunzal more than ever. Once again her husband crept into the witch's garden. But this time the witch was waiting.  
"How dare you steal my rapunzal!" she hissed. "You'll pay for this!"  
The husband blinked.  
"Hey, you're Kisame, the missing-nin!" he accused.  
Kisame grinned. "I know. I killed the witch and ate her cat!" (A/N: Because Kisame is like a shark? So he would like raw meat.)  
"Have mercy," begged the husband. "My wife saw your rapunzal from our window, and said she would die if she didn't have some!"  
"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard!" Kisame said.  
"I know, but she threatened me with a million ton mallet," the husband complained.  
"If what you say is true," said Kisame, "take as much rapunzal as you want. But on one condition: when your wife gives birth, you must give me the child."  
"What do you want with a kid?" asked the kid.  
Kisame waved his samehade threateningly.  
The terrified man agreed, and, when a baby was born, Kisame carried him off.  
"His name shall be Rapunzal," he said. Then he blinked.  
"But Rapunzal is a girl's name. I know! I'll name him Naruto!"  
Naruto grew to be the cutest child under the sun. When he was twelve, Kisame took him into the forest and shut him in a tower that had neither stairs nor door, only a window at the top. Now this was quite stupid, because Kisame wandered around the tower for twelve hours before he remembered that he could climb up the tower wall by concentrating his chakra into his feet. Yes, Kisame is an idiot, isn't he?  
But after that, when Kisame wanted to come into the tower, he stood below and shouted, "Naruto, Naruto let down your hair!" This was really stupid, because Naruto had short hair, just like most boys his age, so Kisame always ended up climbing up the wall by chakra concentration.  
A few years later, the king's son Itachi chanced to ride through the forest where Naruto was being kept. As he passed the tower, he heard a voice singing so awfully that he was sure his eardrums would break. He ran away from the tower and made a mental note to come back tomorrow and kill the person singing. So of course he missed the scene where he's supposed to wait for Kisame to come so he can see how to get up the tower.  
So the next day, Itachi came back to the tower (and thankfully no one was singing). He climbed up the tower by concentrating his chakra into his feet (because, unlike Kisame, Itachi is a very bright person) and when he got to the window, looked inside.  
There was a boy sitting there, with hair like the sun and eyes like the sky. He was a very cute boy; even Itachi had to admit that. In fact, Itachi completely forgot about his plan to kill this boy for singing so badly because he was so caught up in staring.  
Naruto turned to the window and nearly screamed at the sight of Itachi. But then he realized that would be stupid, because 1) The person might fall and get hurt and 2) The person was very handsome and it was absolutely wonderful to gaze at someone besides Kisame for once. But Naruto still wanted to find out who this person was.  
"Who are you?" he asked.  
Itachi smirked and slid off the window sill into the room. "Uchiha Itachi," he said. "And you are...?"  
"Naruto," said Naruto. Then he said, "Why are you here?"  
So Itachi told him that he was originally going to kill him for singing like an angry cat, but didn't feel like it anymore because he didn't think it would be appropriate to "Kill someone as cute as yourself". Naruto (who had never had a compliment before in his life) just blushed and made the decision that he liked Itachi very much.  
And so Itachi saw the bright blush that lit up Naruto's cheeks and smirked before ducking down to capture the smaller boy's lips in his own. Even though this never happened in the story. But if I put what happened in the story in, then that would just make this another stupid tale now wouldn't it?  
After a passionate kiss (A/N: *drool*), Itachi asked Naruto if he would come out the tower and live with Itachi.  
Naruto thought about it for about two seconds before realizing that Kisame wasn't ever going to love him as a child and that living with Itachi was obviously a much better choice. But that still left the problem of how Naruto was going to get down from the tower.  
"Bring a skein (A/N: I have NO idea what that is. I just copied it from the book) of silk every time you come," he said. "I can weave a ladder from it. When I'm done I shall climb out of the tower and go with you."  
"Wouldn't it be easier to just have me carry you down?" Itachi asked.  
"Yeah, but the authoress thinks we've already strayed too far from the story line to do that," Naruto said.  
They agreed that Itachi would visit in the evenings, for Kisame only came by day.  
Kisame suspected nothing of Itachi's visits until Naruto asked one day, "Kisame, why don't my clothes fit anymore?" Because for some reason no one in the world can fathom, Naruto had fallen pregnant to Itachi.  
Now Kisame, being the idiot he is, hadn't noticed that Naruto had put on a couple pounds. But now that Kisame looked closer, it was obvious that Naruto had been gaining weight. Kisame decided it could be one of two things. 1) Naruto had been eating a lot more than usual lately or 2) Naruto was pregnant (although how he came up with this smart answer remains a mystery to all). Since Kisame hadn't been feeding Naruto more than usual, it was obvious that Naruto was pregnant. And that meant that Naruto had contact with the outside world!  
"Wicked child!" Kisame screamed. "I thought I had shut you away from the world, but you have deceived me!" And he was about to cut Naruto into tiny little pieces when he decided that (for some reason) that was stupid, and took Naruto into the middle of a desert (but how a desert could be anywhere near Japan is beyond anyone). Fortunately Naruto got out of the desert and into a city called Tokyo (although a princess would've just stayed in the desert weeping for her lost prince)  
That evening when Itachi climbed the tower, he was surprised to find Naruto not there. Instead, a figure stood in the middle of the room.  
"MWUHAHAHAHAHA!!! YOU'LLL NEVER SEE YOUR PRECIOUS NARUTO AGAIN, YOU IDIOT! I'VE TAKEN HIM SOMEWHERE THAT YOU'LL NEVER FIND HIM!!!!!!!" Kisame screamed.  
Itachi's eye twitched once. Twice. SO THIS was where Kisame came during the days. Because Kisame was still working for the Akatsuki, and he was still Itachi's partner.  
"Kisame, do you have any idea who you're talking to?" Itachi asked.  
"YES I DO! I'M TALKING TO ITA...chi... OH HOLY SHIT!!!"  
Now, unlike pansy princes that jump out of the tower and have thorns scratch their eyes so that they go blind, Itachi beat Kisame to a bloody pulp and then used Tsukiyomi on him so many times that Kisame died. Now, Itachi should've gone blind in this story, but I can't to that to him because I like him too much.  
After several years of searching, Itachi happened to wander into Tokyo. He was walking by a house when he heard a giggle of laughter that sounded oddly like Naruto's. And low and behold, Naruto came out of the house with two children, a boy and a girl.  
Itachi just stared for a moment before tackling Naruto to the ground and locking their lips in a soul searing kiss.  
At first the kids were frightened, but then they heard Naruto mutter something along the lines of "Don't worry, he's my lover and go away." So they did. And somehow Naruto and Itachi managed to make it to Naruto's bedroom where they began the makings of their third child. ~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Author's Notes: MWUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! KISAME DIED! ^___________^ Yeah, I hate Kisame. At first I had trouble figuring out how I was going to do this pairing for this story. So I turned to my Naruto manga for help. And low and behold, I happened to pick the one with Kisame and Itachi in it! And then everything came together and a story was created! ^_____________^ I'm so special! *runs off to the ice cream shop to congratulate herself on a good job*  
  
Naruto Characters: --U 


	4. Cinderella

Disclaimer: I do not and never will own Naruto. TAKE THAT, YA STUPID LAWYERS! YOU CAN'T SUE ME, YOU CAN'T SUE ME! AHAHAHAHAHA!!!  
  
Title: Naruto's Book of Fairy Tales  
  
Chapter Title: Cinderella  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Pairing for the Chapter: Sasuke/Naruto. Just for you Iceheart19! Sorry it ain't Naruto/Sasuke, but this made more sense in the story line. Hope that's okay ^^;  
  
Warnings: Yaoi  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Once upon a time there was a man whose wife died, leaving him to bring up their only son, Naruto; so he married again. His second wife, Tsunade (A/N: GOMEN NE TO ALL TSUNADE FANS! BUT I NEEDED A GIRL FOR THIS AND SHE WAS THE ONLY ONE I COULD THINK OF SINCE I HAD A REQUEST TO NOT BASH SAKURA SO MUCH!!!!), was a sharp-tongued, stuck-up sort, and she had two daughters of her own her were just as bad. The man's own son was as gentle and good-natured as his mother had been. Even though he could be VEEEEEEEERRRRRRYYYY loud and obnoxious.  
It wasn't long before the stepmother and her two daughters, Tenten and Ino, began to make Naruto's life miserable. They were always mean to him, and treated him just like a servant. Ok, so they did this just because everyone else did, because somehow Naruto still has the Kyuubi inside him, even in THIS story. But we're just going to ignore that, ok?  
The only place Naruto could find any peace was in the chimney-corner, among the cinders, so they decided to call him Cinderella. But then they realized that that would make them look a bit childish and all three evil people didn't want their dignity to suffer. So they just called him Naruto. But Naruto in rags was still far prettier than his step-sisters in all their fancy-shmancy ninja clothing.  
Now Sasuke, the king's son, decided that he was gay. So the queen hosted a ball to try and change his sons mind by inviting all the girls within 15 miles of the castle to come. The king didn't do anything. Once an Uchiha says he's gay, then he's gay. Happens all the time.  
Tenten and Ino were thrilled. They could think and talk of nothing else, and they soon had Naruto waiting on them hand and foot to make sure they looked their best. Naruto even did their hair for them, and although he was as gentle a he could be, they kept snapping, "Don't tug, boy," and "It's a good thing you're not invited to the ball you clumsy oaf!"  
"Um, technically I was invited, but you guys won't let me go," Naruto said.  
"When were you invited?" Ino asked. "The invitation said girls only!"  
"Yeah, well, an invitation came yesterday from the prince himself saying all boys could come as well," Naruto said.  
"Whatever. You're still not going!" Tenten said.  
Anyone else would have tangled the girls hair, but Naruto didn't have time to do that, seeing as he was working with all his strength trying to convince the Kyuubi NOT to kill the girls.  
When at last the sisters had squeezed themselves into their new dresses and set off for the ball, Naruto sat down among the ashes, all alone. Then he began to cry.  
When he looked up from his tears, a young pretty girl with pink hair was standing there. She had a kind face and was holding a wand in one hand.  
"Why are you crying?" she asked. "Tell me. I am your fairy godmother. My name is Sakura."  
So Naruto told Sakura how much he longed to go to the ball.  
"Are you hoping to meet a pretty girl there?" Sakura asked.  
"No, I just wanna get out of this damn house and break some rules," Naruto said.  
"Alright then. Fetch me a pumpkin," Sakura said.  
"No. I don't wanna," Naruto said.  
"FETCH ME A GOD DAMN PUMPKIN!" This was Inner Sakura.  
Naruto immediately went and got a pumpkin. But not just any pumpkin. The largest one he could find. Sakura scooped out the insides, tapped it with her wand, and in an instant it had turned into a beautiful gilded carriage.  
"WOW! TEACH ME HOW TO DO THAT!!" Naruto yelled.  
"Not till you're dead and get your fairy godfather license."  
"Awwww..."  
Then Sakura looked in the mouse trap and found six live mice. Mouse traps were obviously not very helpful back then. When Sakura touched the mice with her wand, they turned into six handsome dapple-gray horses.  
"Now we need a coachman," said Sakura, looking around for something suitable.  
"I'll see if there's a rat in the rat trap," Naruto said excitedly. "But why we can't just use the mouse trap for rats is a mystery to me. Wouldn't it be more time efficient to just check one trap instead of two?"  
Sakura shrugged. "Maybe they want to give you more work."  
Naruto again had to stop the Kyuubi from trying to go kill Tsunade, Tenten and Ino.  
So Naruto checked in the rat trap. There were three rats there, one with the finest whiskers you had ever seen. Although how any rat ever got fine whiskers...Well, that's impossible unless it's a pet, and they didn't keep pet rats in those days.  
"He'd make a good coachman," said Naruto.  
So Sakura tapped the rat with her wand, and the rat turned into a fat coachman with an enormous mustache.  
"Now," said Sakura. "Behind the watering can you will find six lizards. Bring them to me." When she tapped the lizards with her wand, they turned into six footmen. "There-now you can go to the ball!"  
"In these rags?" cried Naruto.  
So Sakura tapped Naruto with her wand, and instantly his ragged clothes became a gown of silver and gold embroidered pearls; and his worn out shoes became glass slippers.  
"What the hell are you thinking? I'm a guy! Guys don't were dresses!" Naruto yelled.  
"Yeah, but you'll better capture the attention of the prince this way," Sakura retorted.  
"How?!"  
Sakura smirked. "You'll see."  
Naruto grumbled as he got into the carriage.  
"Also, you have to leave the ball before midnight. For then the spell will end, and all these enchanted things will return to their true forms!" Sakura said.  
"MIDNIGHT?! NOBODY'S GONNA FALL IN LOVE WITH ME IN THAT AMOUNT OF TIME!" Naruto screamed.  
"The ball will be going on for two nights, you twit."  
Naruto grumbled again.  
When Naruto arrived at the palace, no one could take their eyes off him. Sasuke actually stared at him for a full three minutes with his mouth open. Three minutes. With his mouth open. Uchiha Sasuke. He was completely oblivious to the fact that the rest of the guests were running around screaming, "THE APOCOLYPSE IS COMING!!!! EVERYONE RUN FOR YOU LIFE'S!!!! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIIIIIIIIIIEEEEE!!!!" Naruto was melting under Sasuke's stare because 1) He had never had anyone stare at him before, at least not in a good way and 2) Sasuke was really, really hot.  
After his three minutes of staring, Sasuke grabbed Naruto and dragged him off to a secluded area where they both released many years of sexual frustration. Itachi couldn't have been more proud of his brother for pissing their mom off so bad. Although after two minutes of her screeching, Itachi decided he didn't like her anymore and killed her. And there was much rejoicing.  
At a quarter to twelve Naruto woke up, slipped out of the palace, and back to his carriage.  
The next day, Tenten and Ino were full of excited talk about the ball, and especially about the boy in the dress who had arrived so unexpectedly, and vanished so suddenly. Whoever could he be?  
"Oh, I wish I could see him," said Naruto. "Please, won't you let me get a suit so that I may go to the ball?"  
"Certainly not!" said Tenten.  
"You'd disgrace us in front of the prince. And what would that lovely boy think, seeing us with a grubby creature like you?"  
Stopping the Kyuubi from killing anyone is getting very hard for our dear Naruto.  
That night, when Ino and Tenten and left, Sakura transformed the pumpkin, rat, mice, and lizards again and sent Naruto to the ball in his glass slippers and an even grander dress. "Don't forget to leave before midnight," she said.  
Naruto and Sasuke went out in to the courtyard where they talked all night, exchanging light kisses and caresses, whispering secrets to each other, laughing, even snuggling under the old willow by the pond (A/N: KAAAAAAWWWWAAAAIIIIII!!!). Naruto completely forgot the time. When he heard the chimes of midnight, he swore very loudly and fled. This was very hard in a dress, and Naruto got about two steps before he had to let the Kyuubi take over, because the Kyuubi is special and he can run in a dress. Sasuke ran after him, but all he found was one glass slipper that Naruto had carelessly dropped. He questioned the palace guards, but they had not seen a boy in a dress leave- just a peasant boy.  
Naruto, meanwhile, made his own way home, with no carriage or any of that crap. Except one glass slipper. Naruto didn't even notice this, however, because he was to busy cursing the spells for wearing off at midnight. He only got to spend four hours with Sasuke, damnit!  
Sasuke, who was very determined to get Naruto back, proclaimed that he would marry the boy whose foot fit in the glass slipper. He visited every house in the kingdom in search of Naruto, and almost died several times when fangirls tried to glomp him. They are now all lying six feet under, thanks to Itachi, who prefers being Sasuke's body guard to being a prince.  
At last Sasuke arrived at Naruto's house. Tenten and Ino tried to convince Sasuke that he didn't need the boy, and that they would make fine wives. Sasuke didn't listen. He just asked, "Are you sure there are no males in the house?"  
"Well, there was Naruto, but he left yesterday," Ino said.  
But that wasn't true. They were really keeping Naruto lodked up in a closet because they found his other glass slipper and they were going to kill him when Sasuke left.  
But Sasuke wasn't the number one rookie genin for nothing. He could tell the sisters were lying. So he looked in every room of the house until he came upon the closet where Naruto was being kept. When he opened it, he found a very bound up Naruto. Sasuke blinked once. Then he went into a fit of rage, because unlike stupid princes, Sasuke can tell who his lover was just by looking at them. He grabbed two kunai and killed Tenten and Ino with them, then untied Naruto and dragged him off to a secluded area where they released the sexual frustration that had built up since two days ago. Itachi was very proud of his little brother.  
The next week, Sasuke married Naruto. The wedding was a very glamorous wedding for something that had been put together in a week. Sasuke was happy for the first time in four years, Naruto was happy for the first time ever, and everyone else was happy because there was no girl in the kingdom right for Sasuke, and Uchiha's look better with guys anyway.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Author's Notes: Ok, there's the SasuNaru that everyone wanted! Hope you guys like it/ I know that Cinderella didn't originally get tied up in a closet, but trying on a glass slipper was just too corny. So, yeah.  
Also, the number of stories there are going to be has increased as I found a whole crapload of awesome fairy tale books from other countries at my high school library. So, I don't know how many there are going to be now.  
I WILL NOT be doing any Sasuke/Sakura, Itachi/Sakura, Gaara/Sakura or Naruto/Sakura in these stories. Why? Because I hate Sakura. I will make an effort to let up on her bashing, but this does not mean I will pair her up with those four mentioned above. So don't even think about requesting those pairings. 


	5. Gaara and the Young Boy

Disclaimer: No, I don't own Naruto... Can I borrow it? Please?  
  
Title: Naruto's Book of Fairy Tales  
  
Chapter Title: Gaara and the Young Boy  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Pairing: Gaara/Naruto  
  
Origin: Irish  
  
Warnings: none  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Every Halloween lights were seen burning in the old ruined castle and sounds of dancing and music could be heard. But no one ever went near; it was known to be a favorite haunt of the "wee folk", the fairies.  
But one Halloween, Gaara, a poor widow's son from Fannet, said, "I'm going to the castle to kill those damn fairies." (A/N: Originally it was "seek my fortune", but that's not very Gaara-ish is it?)  
His mother begged him not to go, and Gaara decided that she was annoying so he killed her. Then, being the fearless person he was, strode out into the moonlit night. Wild music carried on the breeze and, as Gaara drew nearer to the old castle, he could also hear laughter and singing. This made Gaara even more annoyed.  
The sounds were coming from the castle hall, where windows were ablaze with light. Gaara peered in.  
The whole fairy host, none of them taller than a child of five years, were feasting and drinking, stamping their feet and dancing, while flutes and fiddles played.  
As soon as they spotted Gaara the fairies shouted, "Welcome, Gaara! Welcome! We're going to Dublin tonight to steal a young boy. Will you ride with us, Gaara?"  
Gaara thought. If he went to Dublin with the fairies, then he'd have an extra person to kill. "Sure, why the hell not?" said Gaara.  
So Gaara mounted a fairy horse (only because he had to. Gaara did not like horses, but he didn't have another way to get to Dublin) and rode through the air with the fairy host whooping around him, over the roof of his now dead mother's cottage, over hills, fields, and villages (which Gaara made the fairies stop so that he could kill 10 people), over Lough Swilly (Gaara killed everyone there just because it had a stupid name), and past the spire of Derry Cathedral (and Gaara killed everyone there for no apparent reason whatsoever), until at last the reached Dublin. They chose the finest house in Stephen's Green (A specific area of Dublin) for their visit. The shimmering host halted by a window where a beautiful boy lay sleeping.  
Gaara eyes went wide. This was a very pretty boy. And seeing as this was Gaara, the boy had to have been VERY pretty. Gaara did not notice the shinobi down below who saw his eyes go wide running around screaming, "IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT!!!!!! EVERYONE BOARD THE PLANES!!!!! WOMEN AND CHILDREN FIRST!!!!!!!"  
Gaara watched in amazement as the fairies swept into the room and stole the boy from her own bed. Gaara got a glance at a name plate on the dresser that said Naruto, and this sentence had nothing to do with the story whatsoever and I only put it in here so that Gaara would know Naruto's name and so that I wouldn't have to use the word boy all the time. Anyway, in Naruto's place the left a stick that toke on his shape but was lifeless.  
The fairies took turns carrying Naruto as they galloped homeward across the starlit sky.  
Gaara was going to ask if he got a turn to carry Naruto and then jump off the horse, but Gaara was very pissed right now because he didn't get to kill anyone in Dublin and doesn't feel like following the story line, so he just used the sand to grab Naruto and then used the teleport sand trick thing to get off the horse.  
The fairies pursued as Gaara jumped off into the trees with Naruto, and the reason he wasn't killing anyone is because Gaara has gotten a warning from the authoress that if he strays from the path of the story too far without me wanting him to, he will be feed to dragons and then used as Lee's punching bag, without his sand for protection. So, before Gaara could get Naruto into the cottage, the fairies turned him into a snarling and vicious dog; into a sack of wool (which I'm not sure why Gaara would but him down for) and an iron bar that was glowing with heat. But Gaara wouldn't let go of Naruto, because Gaara is possessive and wants Naruto for himself.  
At last one fairy said, "Gaara can have him, but he shall have no good of him, for I'll make him deaf and dumb!" She sprinkled something over Naruto and the fairies rushed away into the night sky. Thankfully the spell only did half damage because Naruto was already a little slow in the head. Gaara lifted the latch and entered the cottage.  
"How will we look after a boy like him?" cried Temari, when Gaara told her of what he did that night.  
"I'll just take the money from the people I kill," said Gaara. And low and behold he got $1,000 that night.  
Even so, Naruto was very sad, not because he didn't like Gaara (he liked Gaara very much, and in more than the friendly kind of way, let me assure you), but because he couldn't speak or hear. And that has got to be the worst thing that ever happened to Naruto, considering he's Konaha's #1 loudmouth ninja.  
A year passed by and Halloween came again. Gaara decided to pay another visit to the ruined castle. As he entered the hall he overheard a fairy woman say, "What a poor trick Gaara played on us last year, stealing that boy from us; but at least we struck him dumb and deaf. But he does not know that just three drops from this glass in my hand would give her back hearing and speech.  
Now Gaara was supposed to be invited in by the fairies, steal the glass and run home, but Gaara hadn't killed someone in over twelve hours, and was in massive withdrawal. So he just killed all the fairy folk and took the glass. Gaara will be feed to dragons and be used as Lee's punching bag when this story is over.  
Gaara gave the glass to Naruto, who drank them. He couldn't thank Gaara enough. But of course he wanted to go home and see his parents. So Gaara and Naruto went of to Dublin, taking the scenic route this time, so Gaara could kill more people.  
They got to Naruto's old house in Stephen's Green and knocked on the door.  
"The son of this house died a year ago!" said the servants, and refused not to let them in. Naruto began to cry. Gaara killed all the servants for making Naruto cry. Then the two insisted on being let in, and finally Naruto's father Kakashi came to the door. But he just said, "My daughter is dead. Go away."  
"Please leave us alone," said Iruka, the mother.  
Then Gaara told them what happened that night, and about how the fairies left the piece of wood in Naruto's place, and at last Kakashi and Iruka began to believe that Naruto had come back to them.  
Temari and Kankuro were fetched in a coach from Fannet, and Gaara and Naruto had a splendid wedding before ditching everyone and going with Sasuke and Itachi on a sound nin killing spree.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Author's Notes: *looks at story* Crap... All crap  
  
Gaara: *Who has been eaten be dragons and is currently being used as Lee's punching bag* HEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLPPPPPPPP MMMMMMMMEEEEEEE!!!!!  
  
Pyro: ^____________________^ No! You didn't follow the story line close enough, and now you have to pay the price!  
  
Gaara: T___________________________________T  
  
Everyone else: : - J MWUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!! 


	6. Lazy Kakashi

Disclaimer: No, I don't own Naruto. If I did, I would be writing these things in the manga, not posting them here  
  
Title: Naruto's Book of Fairy Tales  
  
Chapter Title: Lazy Kakashi  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Pairing: Kakashi/Iruka  
  
Origin: English  
  
Warnings: None  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
A boy named Kakashi lived with his father, Yondaime, in a dreary village. They were very poor. Yondaime earned little money sewing and mending, but all Kakashi did was sit by the fire and laze in the sun reading Icha Icha Paradise. At last Yondaime yelled at his son, "GET YOUR FUCKING LAZY ASS INTO ACTION, OR I WILL FEED YOU TO THE KYUUBI!!!!!!!!!!"  
Kyuubi was very upset that Kakashi decided to get his butt into gear and go find a job, because he hadn't had a decent human to eat in many a year.  
So Kakashi hired himself to a farmer for a penny for the day, which is stupid because penny's had very little value, even back in the old days. Kakashi must be really lazy. So on the way home Kakashi dropped the penny into a stream and its soul was sent to penny heaven.  
"You stupid idiot!" said Yondaime when Kakashi told him what happened. "You should have carried it in your pocket."  
"Whatever," said Kakashi, and he went to the local library to look at porno sites, and was banned.  
The next day Kakashi went to work for another farmer. This farmer gave him a pitcher of milk for pay, and Kakashi put it in his pocket like Yondaime had told him. But as he walked home the pitcher jiggled in his pocket and milk slopped everywhere.  
"Dobe!" said Yondaime. "You should have carried it on top of your head."  
Kakashi wasn't paying attention. He was too busy reading Icha Icha Paradise Swimsuit special.  
The next day Kakashi went to another farmer, who gave him a cream cheese for his days work. Kakashi put the cheese on his head like Yondaime told him. But by the time he got home the soft cheese had run all over his hair. Yondaime laughed his ass off when Kakashi came home.  
"What?" asked Kakashi.  
"H-h-hair!" Yondaime chocked out before resuming laughing.  
Kakashi felt on his hair...  
"ARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! IT'S IN MY HAIR!!!!!!!! MY BEAUTIFUL SPIKY GRAVITY DEFING HAIR!!!!"  
Kakashi never ate cream cheese again.  
After he was done laughing, Yondaime yelled at Kakashi, "Baka! You should have carried it in your hands!"  
Kakashi wasn't listening. He was busy performing a voodoo ritual on the farmer muttering, "Curse you, you think it's funny that my hair is ruined, well I'll show you..."  
The next day Kakashi hired himself to a baker who paid him with a tomcat, which was rather stupid because that meant that Kakashi had one more mouth to feed.  
Kakashi carried the cat carefully in his hands, but halfway home the cat scratched so much that he had to let it go.  
"Well, you should have tied it to a string and dragged it along after you, but since we couldn't feed the cat anyway I'll let you off," Yondaime.  
Kakashi was happy.  
The next day Kakashi hired himself to a butcher who paid him with a leg of ham. Kakashi tied the ham with a string and dragged it after him. By the time he got home it was filthy with dust. Yondaime was furious.  
"YOU IDIOT!!!! THAT COULD HAVE BEEN OUR DINNER FOR THE NEXT WEEK!!! YOU SHOULD HAVE CARRIED IT ON YOUR SHOULDERS!!!!! _YOU_ _ARE_ _THE_ _STUPIDEST_ _PERSON_ _IN_ _THE_ _WORLD_!!!!!!!!!!!" he yelled in between slamming Kakashi's face into the wall.  
"I can't fell my face..." Kakashi whimpered.  
The next day Kakashi hired himself to another farmer, who gave him a donkey for his trouble. Now Kakashi was a strong person, but even he found it hard to lift the donkey on his shoulders, and he huffed and puffed as he carried it.  
On his way home Kakashi passed the mansion of a rich dead couple whose son, Iruka, never laughed because he was too busy mourning his lost parents. Iruka was a very cute person, and his adoptive father Sarutobi promised that anyone could make Iruka laugh would marry him. Even if it was a guy.  
Iruka was staring out the window, looking some as usual, when he spotted a young man coming down the road. He was very handsome, with pale skin and a mask and headband to cover his face. His visible eye was a steel gray that went perfectly with his silver hair. Iruka blushed. Then he looked closer at the man...  
And saw he was carrying a donkey on his back.  
Iruka blinked once, twice, before bursting out with more laughter than the insane authoresses when we torture our little bishes.  
Iruka laughed so hard that all the mansion came running to see what was going on. When they saw what Iruka was laughing at, they all began rolling on the floor with laughter too until someone went outside and told Kakashi that he had just won Iruka's hand in marriage. Kakashi was very happy because this way he could get rich and never half to work again.  
Iruka and Kakashi were married in a splendid wedding, before deciding that this place was boring and going back to Konoha leaving Yondaime to fend off an angry Kyuubi that Itachi and Naruto had released just for fun.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Author's Notes: I just realized that has Itachi appeared in every story so far. Yeah, I actually like this one, just because it's so un-Kakashi like to be so stupid! But it's funny XD!  
  
Kakashi: *performing voodoo on the farmer that gave him cream cheese* YOU SHALL BURN OH YES YOU SHALL BURN IN HELL FOR ETERNITY!!! MWUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!  
  
Rest of Cast: O_____________O He's scary...  
  
Pyro: ^_^;;;;;; 


	7. The Lame Fox

Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto, do you really think I would be writing this? NO! I'd be dead and enjoying myself in heaven right now!!!

Title: Naruto's Book of Fairy Tales

Rating: PG-13

Pairings: Various

Warnings: OOCness, slash, incest, slight character bashing, random insane stupidity... o0

Fairy Tale for Chapter: The Lame Fox

Ethnic Origin of Fairy Tale: Czech

::::::::::

There once was a man named Gaffer who had three sons. Two were bright boys, but the youngest was a completely anti-social, even though he's supposed to be foolish. That having been said, I'm sure you can already guess that the foolish one is the story hero, right?

Now, Gaffer's right eye was always laughing, but his left eye was always weeping. Gaffer's sons decided to ask him why this was so.

The eldest son asked, but Gaffer threw a knife at him. Obviously Gaffer was depressed and mentally unstable, and need professional help, but the sons decided to take the stupid way to find the problem. So anyway, the second son asked and the same thing happened. Both sons fled. But only and idiot wouldn't flee from a depressed and mentally unstable person with a knife.

Then the third son, Sasuke, asked. Gaffer seized the knife, but Sam did not run. After all, Sasuke was the number one rookie of his class, had been on two A class mission, had Sharingan and was a ninja. A knife was not going to scare him. So Gaffer put down the knife and said, "My other two sons are cowards (No, they just know when's a good time to run), but you are brave, so my right eye laughs. But my left eye weeps because my magic vine, which gives twenty-four buckets of wine a day, has been stolen."

"First, why does ANYONE need that much wine a day, and second, your vine was stolen 20 years ago and you haven't gone to look for it yet?" Sasuke asked with an eyebrow raised. Gaffer went on stuttering for a few moments before muttering "Stupid son."

The three brothers agreed to set out in search of the magic vine. The road forked three ways, and each took a path. The two older boys soon met up once more (although how this happened is beyond anyone). "Praise God, we've managed to shake off that anti-social freak!" they laughed and sat down to eat the food they had brought. Along came a lame he-fox (even though it was supposed to be a she-fox. But the authoress doesn't really care at this point) with nine-tails, looking very hungry. But the brothers didn't spare him a crumb; they just said, "There's a fox! Let's kill it!" Obviously these to are inhumane foul humans whom I shall hurt severely later because they tried to hurt a poor fox. And they are also very stupid since this fox was obviously a demon. But seeing as the fox killing them would completely through off the storyline and send the world hurtling towards the sun, the fox just limped away.

When Sasuke sat down to eat, the same fox came up to him. Now, since Sasuke is smart, he knew this was a demon so he decided to try and make friends with it so it didn't kill him. "These are hard times," he said. "Share my meal." Some missing-nins watching from the trees gasped then started running around screaming "THE APOCALYPSE IS COMING!!!" Sasuke grew annoyed and killed them. And there was much rejoicing.

After they had eaten the fox said, "Where are you going?" Now like I said before, this would've shocked Sasuke, but he had seen too many other things to think that this was strange. But Sasuke told him everything anyway.

"Follow me," said the fox.

They came to a garden. "The vine is in there," the fox said (don't ask how he knew; we'll just pretend the fox is psychic). "You must pass twelve guards. Their eyes are open, but they are asleep (obviously the guards are elves). You'll find a gold shovel and a wooden shovel. Dig up the vine with the wooden shovel and come back to me."

Now Sasuke would've dug up the vine with the wooden shovel, but that would be straying from the story line TOO much. So, by demand of the authoress, Sasuke "forgot" what they fox had said, and took up the gold shovel. Although why anyone would want to dig with a gold shovel is beyond me. It must be really heavy and get tiring after awhile. As soon as Sasuke pushed it into the ground, it woke the guards, and they took him to their master.

"But the vine is my father's," Sasuke exclaimed, even though he could have really cared less about it.

"That's as may be," said the lord, "but I will not give it back unless you bring me the golden apple tree that bears golden fruit every day."

Why anyone would want golden fruit was beyond Sasuke, but he went back to the fox and the fox said, "Follow me." He took him to another garden and said, "To reach the golden apple tree, you must pass another twelve guards. By the tree are two poles: a golden one and a wooden one. Take the wooden pole, beat the tree, and come back."

"Umm... How does beating it get the tree to us?" Sasuke asked.

"I don't know, that's just what you're supposed to do," replied the fox.

So Sasuke went to beat the tree, but he 'accidentally on purpose' beat the tree with the golden pole and woke the guards. The lord said, "I'll give you the tree, if you bring me the golden horse with the golden wings."

Sasuke groaned. What did everyone think he was, their errand boy? He liked running from fangirls better than this! Well, not really. Alright, he liked getting beaten by Itachi better than this. And that was saying something.

Sasuke went to the fox and the fox said, "Follow me." He led him through a dark forest (no, it was not The Forest of Death) to a farmyard and said, "First you must pass twelve guards. The golden horse is in a stable and hanging near it are two bridles: one of gold and one of straw (although how anyone could make a straw bridle is beyond anyone). Bridle the horse with the straw one and ride him back to me."

Sasuke 'accidentally on purpose' bridled the horse with the golden bridle and woke the guards. The lord said, "I'll give you the golden horse if bring me...YOUR BODY!!!" Then Orochimaru saw the authoress glaring at him. "Err, I mean, I'll give you the golden horse if you bring me the golden girl in the golden cradle."

Sasuke went back to the fox and the fox said, "Follow me." He took him to a cave and said, "Inside the cave, past the twelve guards, is the golden girl, rocking herself in her golden cradle. Nearby is a huge specter, screaming, 'No! No!' Pay it no mind. Pick up the golden cradle, and bring it to me."

"Uhh... Shouldn't I be putting the golden girl in a wood cradle or something?" asked Sasuke.

"Hey, I don't make the rules, I just tell them, ok?" said the fox.

This time, Sasuke was finally able to do something right instead of 'accidentally on purpose' doing the wrong thing. They went back to the farmyard and the lad said, "The golden girl is so beautiful, it seems a pity to give her up." So the fox changed himself into a golden girl, except his eyes were a fox's eyes. The lad gave the fox-girl to the lord, and took away the golden horse.

That night, Orochimaru was gazing at the golden girl when he cried out, "You have a fox's eyes!" The girl changed back into a fox, which ran to where Sasuke was waiting with the real golden girl and the golden horse. Orochimaru didn't really care. All he wanted was Sasuke's body, so he began making more plans do steal it.

The fox next changed himself into the golden horse, except he still had a fox's tail. Sasuke swapped him for the golden tree. Later, when the lord was admiring the horse, he said, "You are so beautiful, except for that scruffy fox's tail!" The horse changed back into the fox, killed the lord for calling him scruffy, and then ran to where Sasuke was waiting.

Last the fox changed himself into a golden apple tree and Sasuke swapped her for his father's vine. But as the lord was admiring the tree, he suddenly said, "How strange! The apples look like fox's heads!" And the tree turned back into fox, which ran off to join Sasuke, the girl, the horse, the tree and the vine.

On the way home Sasuke encountered his brothers. They threw him down a well and stole his treasures. But when they took them back to their father, the vine wouldn't make wine, the apple tree wouldn't bloom, the golden horse wouldn't neigh and the golden girl wouldn't smile. And still their father's left eye wept.

Meanwhile the lame fox rescued Sam from the well. But only because if Sasuke had rescued himself and gone to kill his brothers, the storyline would have been entirely thrown off. While he lay gasping for air on the grass, he changed into.....

UZUMAKI NARUTO!!!!

"SAUSKE!!!!" Naruto yelled happily as he threw himself at Sasuke.

"NARUTO!!!" Sasuke cried as he hugged Naruto. "I thought Tsunade turned you into a demon!!"

"She did, but then Itachi killed her and told me how to reverse the spell!"

Sasuke smiled, mentally thanked Itachi and then he and Naruto... expressed their love for each other. And everyone lived happily ever after. Even though Sasuke was supposed to get the Golden Girl. Oh well. SasuNaru is WAY better than the Golden Girl.

::::::::::

Pyro: YAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!! SasuNaru! ;-)

Sasu and Naru: (Curled up in a corner)

Fangirls: DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE, NARUTO!!!

Pyro: YOU DIE!!! (Blasts them with her Fireworks 'O Doom) MWUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!


End file.
